Pissed Off

So I’m sure it’s killing y’all to find out why my dr pissed me off, I knew it! Haha. Well, my appointment on April 22nd was supposed to be about discussing gonadatropins. I got there early, signed in and waited. They called my name, I went back, they took my vitals and sat me in the exam room. I play Candy Crush while I wait at the dr, it’s a good time killer while I’m anxious. My RE came in, sat down read over my chart. We had the usual pleasantries, then he said let’s do one more round of clomid. WTF? . My mouth stayed shut for fear that I would burst out crying as soon as I squeaked a sound. Please know that I’ve already done two cycles of clomid and they made me take one month off before we started gonadatropins. He made me waste a month of precious time!!!! They could’ve called me on the phone to tell me, I know how to take the clomid! The office is not around the corner, it’s two hours away! I finally managed to squeak out the word why?. He told me that he really thinks the third round will work, well I really thought the first one would work. No one knows when it will work! I thought our chances of conceiving would be higher with gonadatropins. I was ready for a new plan of attack.

I completely respect my dr’s decision but it still hurt my feelings and pisses me off.

And now my body feels off! I don’t think I ovulated this month, that is never a problem with me. I used an OPK starting on day CD10, I never got a positive, though one day while at work the reader gave me an error message so who knows. But I never felt any mittelschmerz like I usually do and little to no CM. So I made sure Mr. B and I bd every other day just in case. Now my nipples are sore, they are never sore! I had some leg cramping last night which I’ve never had before in my life. That hurt like a mug, too! This could all be nothing especially since I don’t think I ovulated. So now I’m waiting on the next cycle to start and I have no clue when AF should come since no ovulation day to count from.

Ugh! So frustrating!
Special thoughts go out to those in the path of the storms yesterday and the ones in the path for the storms coming this afternoon. I slept zero minutes last night, the thunder was too loud! And sirens stayed blaring!



Leibster Award

So I’ve been writing this thing for like a freakin’ week.. The day I was nominated was my dr visit day and he really pissed me off so I postponed all things blog until I calmed down and didn’t want to rant about him and instead blog nice words. ๐Ÿ™‚ so here it is, all the nice words.

O-EM-GEEE!!! I got nominated for a Leibster Award! WHAT?! Pure craziness! That means there is at least one other person in this world that reads my ramblings! This is amazing! I was having a particularly crumby day when I came to my blog to find this awesome news!

The goal of the Liebster Award is to help generate attention toward new and upcoming bloggers. Here are the participating rules:

-Link back to the blogger who gave you the award.

-Answer the questions designated by the blogger who nominated you.

-List 11 random facts about yourself.

-Nominate 3-5 other bloggers with less than 200 followers.

-Make up a set of questions for the nominated bloggers to answer.

These are the questions sent to me from my nominator pikachu4you at Life’s Journey
Thank you so much for nominating me! I hope this generates more readers for us all who can provide support and friendships and all that mushy stuff!

1.Where are you from?
I grew up an army brat so I lived all over. I was born in Hawaii but spent most of my life in Alabama.

2. What is the most prized possession you own?
Do my dogs count as possessions?? If so, my two lab pups.

3.Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging to vent my frustrations and share my experiences about infertility. A few close friends know but I needed to broaden my audience so they didn’t get tired of listening to my ramblings about stuff they don’t understand. I was extremely nervous about it but now I am so glad I started, I LOVE it!

4. Future goals?
First have me a young’in. Next, maybe go back to school for my MSN. Other than that my goal is to live a happy life.

5. Biggest inspiration?
My mama of course. Though she will never read this. She is the best mama in the world and I strive to be like her daily!

6. Places youโ€™ve traveled?
We traveled all over the country when I was little but since then I’ve been to just states around Alabama. And this past January Mr. B and I went to Las Vegas then to Pasadena for the National Championship to watch our tigers play! War Eagle! ( We lost, btw but we met Jaleel White ) Did I do that?? ๐Ÿ™‚

7. Favorite song at the moment?
Selfie by the Chainsmokers. Don’t judge, it’s quite dancy.

8. Biggest accomplishment?
Getting through nursing school, that ish was HARD!

9. Biggest fear?
Dying in a car crash. I hate driving.

10. You. In 3 words?
Loyal. Loving. Awesome.

11. One change you would make to better you self and your life?
For me to be kinder and to keep my mouth shut.

11 Random Facts about Me:
1- I’m left handed.
2- I was born with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia- look it up! ๐Ÿ™‚
3- I am an extremely picky eater, I eat like a four year old. I’m an adult now I can eat what I want!
4- my favorite color is green
5- I’ve been in an earthquake before, it was supa scary!
6-I am obsessed with the HBO series Game of Thrones
7- I love to craft and sew but usually when I need to be doing something else
8- I am addicted to DrPepper, it’s heaven in liquid form
9- I am extremely uncomfortable speaking to small and large groups of people unless you are my patient in a room full of folks I can talk to you about your bowel movements and put my fingers in your vagina without batting an eye. ๐Ÿ˜ณ
10- I got my first fever blister the day AF came after my last IUI, that made for an amazing day. Lol
11- I wanted to be a gas station attendant when I was little. Obviously I had high aspirations for myself.

My eleven questions for my nominees:
1. Where are you from?
2. What is a pet peeve of yours?
3. What’s a secret hidden talent you have?
4. How did you come up with the name of your blog?
5. Do you have any pets? Their names?
6. What do you do for a living?
7. Tell us something that no one knows about you.
8. What is your all time favorite movie?
9. What did you want to be when you grew up?
10. What is your guilty pleasure?
11. Why do you blog?

The nominees are….


WTF Ovaries

When Dreams Become Rainbows

DISCLAIMER: I can’t figure out how to see how many followers someone has so I picked three blogs that I really really like.. If you have more than 200 followers play along anyways! AND I’m not savvy with this stuff, I hope my links work.

Thanks again for reading!

Infertile Mrytle here…

So I just got a text from my oldest brother.. It was a picture of their HPT that was positive. I am actually so excited but also, so very sad and VERY jealous. My family doesn’t know what Mr. B and I have been doing. So now this is going to be all we talk about is this wonderful new bundle of joy, while my insides ache for a baby. My brother and I joked the other day about his wife getting pregnant and how all he would have to do is look at her funny because she is Mexican and she would get pregnant.. Welp, he sure is talented.
PS. I do love them both!
PSS. I need some baby dust.

Not quite flagellation…

image Do any of you have a form of personal torture that they do to themselves? As in relation to their infertility, nothing physical or dangerous like cutting or anything like that. Well, I do.
Since January of this year I have been working as a Labor and Delivery nurse. I have never wanted to be an L &D nurse, I transferred because I wanted to stay at my same facility but no other departments had any openings. I took the job for their awesome schedule. It’s the bomb, I get five days off in a row every other week? Lazy bones here. I am super lucky! ( can’t wait to spend that time with a baby). I really didn’t think it would e that hard but boy was I wrong.
I always tear up a little bit with the little butter bean pops out and everyone gasps at it’s cuteness. The days that are most hard are the days when we get a patient who comes in to deliver and they are positive for their drug of choice, nicotine included. Some of those babies, depending on their mothers drug of choice still go home with the mothers just with a DHR home visit and future drug screenings. Other times, the baby doesn’t go home with the mama and they are arrested after a certain period of time for healing after delivery. These babies go into a foster home unless by some miracle there is a responsible party in the mother’s family, which is rare.
It’s days like these that make it very hard to do what I do. I don’t do drugs, drink, or smoke. I would take care of our baby and put it first. Why is it that people like that, that didn’t care enough to stop for 9 months, get to have a baby? And for the record I understand addiction is a sickness but it still doesn’t make me feel any better knowing these precious wittle babies started out with this kind of life.
I’m just curious to know if there is anyone else out there that is in a similar situation? Rather, puts themselves in a similar situation like this.
On another note, I am super stoked about National Infertility Week! I just found out it existed! I can’t wait to read more about it.
AND if everyone could do me a solid and cross their fingers for us on Tuesday. This is our appointment to talk about…. Wait for it…. Gonadatropins! Maybe we’ll have four babies! Lol. Super extra kidding. But seriously, I would love that.
One more thing.. I had a random thought the other day about infertility greeting cards. I looked for some and there are no funny ones! I like cards that are mildly inappropriate but harmless and funny. But who would I give one to?? I only talk to you guys about this and I don’t have y’all’s addresses! ๐Ÿ˜‰. I have come up with a few funny ones that Mr. B does not find funny. He said if someone gave me a card with some of this stuff on it, I would cry. I told him I cry about this stuff anyways, why not be able to make fun of it a little and laugh, then cry. What are y’all’s thoughts? Would you buy one? Maybe someday soon I’ll post some of my ideas.. Just think about it.
Peace out, y’all!

It’s here! It’s here!

I just found out that this existed! This is amazing! I hope others share to break the silence, maybe I will be brave enough to do so, soon.

Waiting For Our Turn

Happy National Infertility Awareness Week!

Image Source: http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/images/2014-niaw-image.png

This post is a thank you to Resolve. If you are new to infertility or just a casual lurker of my blog, you may not know about Resolve. Resolve is the National Infertility Association.

Resolve, thank you for your advocacy. Thank you for your education. Thank you for your support.

What are you doing to Resolve to Know More this week?

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Baby Dust

I LOVE this and it makes me feel better knowing there are others who may share my same feelings!

Path to Birth

โ€œGood luck and Baby Dustโ€ is a common sign-off in fertility forums. I love the idea of โ€œBaby Dustโ€- just sprinkle me with it and my wish of having a baby will come true! If only it were that simpleโ€ฆ.

Truth is, for lots and lots of lucky people it is that simple.

One of the many hard things about trying to conceive (TTC) can be everyone else getting pregnant around you.ย  For me 2013 was an epic year for this- I was surrounded by about 30 pregnancies- work colleagues, friends, family, even my doctors! It was raining babies!!

Trust me to have trouble conceiving in the middle of a baby boom!

Itโ€™s an interesting experience when you find yourself feeling upset about something that is good news for someone you care aboutโ€ฆ.Iโ€™ve found that a big part of the negative emotion I feel is actually directed at myself forโ€ฆ

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